Flirty texting is one of the best and worst things about having a new bae. There’s nothing like those butterflies in your stomach every time you get a new message, or the anticipation of their next flirty reply back. But flirty texting is a rose with many thorns — without their undivided attention, or any information about who else they might be texting, we’re all tempted to play those games of “he took 7 minutes to reply so I’m going to take 9 so I don’t look desperate.” That shit is an emotional rollercoaster, especially if you’re committed to the flirtatious exchange and they’re just not meeting you on your level. These are the 9 classic stages of texting a new crush that we always go through – who can relate?
1. Omg my phone just buzzed is that him? *Checks phone for 5th time in 2 minutes*
Nope, just the extended family WhatsApp group exchanging good morning messages.
2. Phone buzzes again, and excitement level shoots through the roof because it just *has* to be him this time!
Ugh, no, this time it’s just mom sharing updates about the ultimate Indian power couple (Virushka) having a baby with the same level of excitement as if it was her own grandchild.
3. Phone buzzes and you finally see their name pop up.
Cue intense butterflies and excitement, with uncontrollable giggles and anticipation for the flirtation that’s about to ensue.
4. *2 hours later* They text back.
What a major buzzkill on the cutesy vibes you had planned. Cue deep rage for making you wait two hours for a reply – who does he think he is?!
5. Pretend to ignore the message for a whole 52 seconds, and then give up.
You decide to forgive and forget by replying with a long, flirty text asking him about his day, but obvi not before screenshotting and sending a draft to your five closest friends for approval.
6. “Nothing much hbu”
You’re ready to call it quits at this point. All that effort and all you get is a hbu?? This time you decide to wait 30 minutes before replying, and add a PERIOD at the end of the sentence so he knows you’re mad.
7. Cue FaceTime call from your crush (the period worked).
Freak out and throw your phone in a corner, then rush to the bathroom to put on your “I woke up like this no makeup, makeup look” before calling him back.
8. You try playing it cool, but he puts on the charm.
He’s engaged, shows an active interest in your life, and remembers something you said yesterday. Your ice queen persona starts thawing.
9. He asks you to hangout later with him and meet some of his friends.
All your doubts disappear and you’re in love again. You knew he must have a good reason why he couldn’t reply to you faster this morning, and it’s DEFINITELY not a cause for concern.
10. I should just text him first next time right?!
You say you will but you don’t, and then the cycle starts all over again the next morning.