We’re normally all about the “treat people with respect and just be direct with them” philosophy when it comes to ending things with someone you’re just not interested in – maybe it’s the chaotic energy of the upcoming election, the massive amount of energy it’s already taking just to keep persevering through this pandemic, or just the fact that it’s October and Halloween is coming up, but sometimes, it is okay to avoid people (especially when it’s toxic and it’s doing nothing for you). Here are five dating stereotypes and warning signs that make ghosting more socially acceptable (sometimes your energy is just worth more).
1. The one with the backhanded compliments
You know exactly who we’re talking about. They’re those people who haven’t left fourth grade and still think being mean and rude to the person you’re into is the right way to get their attention. They’ll throw backhanded compliments at you in an effort to boost up their own self confidence, and expect you to be thankful for it. “You’re pretty for an Indian girl,” “I bet going out on a date with me would be the highlight of your year wouldn’t it,” and “you’re so charming when you put in effort” are all perfect examples of this behavior. Keep an eye out for it, and don’t put up with it!
2. The one with the endless excuses
It’s hard to keep the conversation going online, and it’s fair to give someone the benefit of the doubt if they caught up with work or family and take some time to get back to you. We’re all adults with full lives after all. But it’s also important to track if this is an ongoing pattern with someone when you’re trying to get to know them! If they’re constantly bailing on potential plans, or disappearing for days at a time, that might just be who they are. You and your time are worth more than that, so ghost away!
3. The one who can’t stop name dropping his ex
You probably don’t need us to spell this one out for you, but constant conversations about a past relationship are a major red flag. Chances are this person is definitely not ready to move on to something new, and you’re better off spending your energy on someone who can meet you on your level. While it’s worth the attempt to let them know that you don’t think they sound ready for something new, more often than not, these people will be in denial about their current state. It’s not your job to be their therapist, so make a clean break and move on.
4. The one who is too focused on his/her career to commit
Ambition is sexy, and there’s nothing wrong with a career-driven man or woman. People who are scared of commitment will often find a crutch to lean on to justify why they’re just not ready to commit right now. One of the most frequently used crutches we see is the “focused on my career and where I want to be in five years right now” excuse. It is entirely possible to commit to someone and pursue an ambitious career if that’s the stage you are at in your life, and if you’re ready for it. It may not always be easy, but it’s certainly not impossible. Don’t give all of yourself to someone who will only give you half of themselves.
5. The classic catfish
We’re not talking about someone who just used a filter or had on a little extra makeup in their profile picture. We’re talking straight up catfish – someone who used an extremely old or outdated picture to represent themselves, drastically lied about their age, or only pretended to like the same things as you to get your attention. We don’t have time for liars, we’re already falling behind on our dating timelines thanks to this damn pandemic!