(And also in real life.)
A while back we’d asked you all what your biggest pet peeve is when it comes to dating, and a lot of guys said that they had a hard time with girls never replying or responding to their messages. So brown boys, this one’s for you. Let’s go through some of the best tips and shifts in mindset when you’re messaging a girl, and see if we can increase that match to reply ratio in 2021!
1. Remember that it’s about quality, not quantity.
We get it, sometimes being on dating apps can be exhausting. We’re all guilty of occasionally just swiping right on everyone and shooting our shot with anyone who has shown initial interest in us (especially guys). But when you do this, you’re not setting yourself up for success. It’s hard to start up an engaging conversation with a girl when the thing you find most fascinating about her is that she might possibly be into you. Swipe right on the people you catch your interest, and who you feel like you’d genuinely get along with. Establishing this foundation will set you up for success and your genuine interest will shine through when it’s time to strike up that first conversation, making it much more likely that she’ll actually respond!
2. Show off that awesome personality!
You’re amazing and interesting, and any girl worth talking to is going to see that! But only if you put the best version of yourself out there — be yourself and show off that awesome personality! It’s important that she gets a sense of who you are within the first few messages, whether that’s a bookworm, an adrenaline junkie, or the class clown. Chances are she’s not responding because she has no way of understanding what you’re really like, making it hard to differentiate your message from the many in her inbox. If you play it safe and go the generic route, or if you try too hard and pretend to be someone you’re not, she’ll never get a chance to react and respond to the real you.
3. Her bio is our gift to you — use it well.
That bio is full of useful gems that you can use to strike up an interesting conversation, and show her that you’re a considerate guy who is interested in what she has to say and in learning more about her. Take an interest in her life, and ask specific questions. Does she have a cool hobby that you’ve never heard of? Ask her to tell you more about it! Have you traveled to one of the same places as her? Share a story with her and ask her about her experience! Give her something she can easily respond and react to, but also leave her with some information about you that leaves her wanting more.
4. Ask her out — while you’re both still young.
The longer you letter an initial dating app conversation or text chat go on, the riskier it gets that things will go stale. We’re all busy, and the stresses of everyday life can get in the way of really good conversations. Then you’re left playing games where she didn’t respond for a day, so you wait two days, and then before you know it, the relationship is dead before it begins. Show her that you’re interested and willing to take the time to properly get to know her. If you live close by, ask her out on a date! And be specific. No “let’s meet up some time.” Pick a date and time and make it happen. And if you don’t live near each other, pick up a phone or plan a cute virtual date. Thanks to the pandemic, there are more options than ever before.
5. Everything happens for a reason.
If you try all of these things and she still doesn’t respond, that’s not on you. At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that everyone has their own hangups and things going on in their lives. Maybe things just ended badly with another match and she’s taking a break from the app. Or maybe she has some crazy idea of the perfect guy in her mind and isn’t truly open to the opportunities coming her way right now. Don’t let the girls that don’t respond control your dating mood, and put your effort into those that return the energy you’re putting out there. It only takes one in a (dil) million.